Most people in relational conflict can describe what’s happening.
They can tell you what the other person is doing. They can explain their own reactions. What they can’t see is who they are being inside the dynamic, and what they’re creating with it. That’s what I see.
I see the identity story they’re operating from. I see the subconscious meaning they’re adding to situations and words. I see how they’re positioning themselves, as victim, superior, rescuer, or the one who knows better.
And I see patterns across contexts, patterns they’re enacting everywhere, even in situations that seem unrelated. The client doesn’t see they’re doing the same thing in multiple relationships.
But I do.
I’ve had a natural instinct for pattern recognition and linguistic precision from the beginning.
I’ve been trained by Nonos Institute and Marcia Reynolds, I’ve worked with J.P. Morgan Jr. and currently work with Townsend Wardlaw.
But this capacity didn’t come from training alone.
It came from living inside close relationships that mattered deeply, and having to see my own role in dynamics I’d been certain weren’t mine to own.
For a long time, I operated from righteousness.
I thought I was giving the most energy and love to my relationships. I thought being right gave me permission to judge, to be resentful, and to not be the one who had to change.
A moment came when I could no longer avoid seeing my own role in a dynamic I’d been certain wasn’t mine to own.
What shifted wasn’t my understanding.
What shifted was my willingness to see, with painful honesty, where my energy was actually going.
Not into loving. Into being right.
That’s why I work the way I do.
I don’t teach you what to do. I don’t give you strategies or scripts. I reflect back who you are being, consciously or subconsciously, and what you create with it. I listen for the “because” sentence, the rationalization, the justification, the story that makes your position seem inevitable. I mirror your language back to you, sometimes in your exact words, sometimes rephrased slightly, so you can hear what you’re saying.
When you see your pattern clearly, you can choose whether to keep doing it or stand differently.
I don’t tell you which to choose.
This work requires precision.
And it requires trust, trust that you can handle seeing yourself clearly, and trust that you don’t need me to tell you what to do once you see.
I don’t take sides. I don’t rescue. I don’t collude with explanations, even understandable ones.
I work with clarity, compassion, and directness to help you reclaim your steadiness without withdrawing your care.